STUPID CAT Volume 2
ALRIGHT... so I've already said I'm a stupid cat, right. Well here's yet another reason for you. I'm so lazy somedays... and I cough up hair.
Ok kidding...
about the hair.
I belive so much sometimes. I'm so ...NIEVE!! if that's how you spell it!! I don't know I think I just want the whole world to be one big carnival...wait...CARNIES LIE, THEY ALWAYS LIE!!

I live in a cruel cruel world...

MINDLESS RANT NUMBER 345-E Coworkers.
There's this dude that I work with, lets call him CLETUS. Old random fucker that doesn't do a damn thing other than roam around shouting at those of us who don't have senority...oh, lemme get this right... who don't have a cock.
That's the long and short of it, though in his case it's more of the short of it. ANYWAY he got into it with my other co-worker (who is also cockless, mind you) anyway, one thing led to another and CLETUS the slack jawed yokel ended up outside with the supervisor guy on duty, screaming and shouting and (according to some) trying to KICK the damn guy.
Now...
Me being a stupid cat, I probably won't get this right
BUT...
ISN'T THAT GROUNDS FOR TERMINATION?
I mean IF I had of went screaming-foaming-butt-ass-crazy wouldn't I be currently unemployed? Honestly people! It would be in the local papers and everything!
"LOCAL GIRL GETS MIDEVIL ON SOME ASSES AT LOCAL COMPUTER STORE, MORE NEWS AT NINE" and there would be SWAT teams and drug dogs and everything. There would be no end to the strife. I think even a horseman or 2 would show up as a precurser to Armargeddon.
and then to top it all off, they would more than likely not let me make a musical out of it.


Pigtails
I wore pigtails to work today. Two puffy curly redbrown fluffs on the back of my head. I looked like I was trying to riegn in an afro... but if I did have one, I'd be Foxy Brown about it. Oh yeah, can you just see it? saunter into work, all superduper pimpfly in my khakis and shades. Rip them off and the whole world would stop for a moment as I was highlighted with a funky background and theme music going "BR'WOW" and some freaky 70's lettering "FRESH", then the world start again and I stalk towards my section. with "chia bow chicka bow wow" music flowing after me. Then I stop halfway there and TURN SUDDENLY looking over my shoulder and say something like..."Back the fuck up off me Jack, printer aisle is mine! don't make me smack the black off yo' ass!" OH don't forget the neckroll and my afro.. don't forget my afro... and when I get to my section Samuel L Jackson is there goin "She's one bad motha'--" and CLETUS would jump in with "Shut yo' mouth" and we'd kill him...with sticks... then laugh about it over hot... steamy.... dark.... coffee... (what else?)

ACK!!!! DON'T!!!
OK, SO... I got my Josh and my friend Janthanaman together in a chat room, actually more an IM box, but I'M TELLING THE STORY SO KEEP YOUR INPUT TO YOURSELF!...anyway... Josh starts freaking out on me, mainly bored, right? BUT HE STARTS TALKING ABOUT MY LACK OF GAG REFLEX, RIGHT? and poor Janthanaman is all WTF? and I'm DYING at the computer and I'm typing JOSH YOU ASS! STOP NO DON'T HAHAHAHAHAHA NO!! but he's all "you know what she can do with a balloon?" and Jan's all "no what" and I'M ALL "JOSH SHUTUP!!" THEN HE STARTS TO LIE, he's never seen me swallow a balloon, I'm not THAT dumb, those things pop... I'D SUFFICATE!! then were would I be? At the pearly gates goin "So Saint Peter, THIS is what I did..." and getting thrown into hell for sheer DUMBASS quality.

THINGS I NEVER WANT TO HEAR VOL. 1
*Oh, you wanted a breast REDUCTION... ah... well, triple z is in season you know?
*I didn't realise that was your hair, let me get the mongoose out.
*Come on, it's fun! (as you hear the sound of guns being loaded)
*What do you mean you've never been snipe hunting!?
*OH GODS! IT'S GONNA BLOW! HAND ME A PLUNGER, NOW!!!!
*What do you mean it's not edible underwear? Are you sure?


THINGS I HATE!!
QUILTING CLUBS!
VCR cables
Cheap Shampoo
Pinapple centers
cats in heat
vanilla scented candles
pistachio icecream
Paper vacuum bags
COD packages
"HANG IN THERE BABY" posters
MCI commercials

CIAO